I know what Hell is

Hell is watching my mother go through chemo and two major surgeries and a bad fall that bruised her muscles and all in the past year. It's not being able to get the smell of the hospital out of my nose. Ever. Hell is the non stop random ad nauseum beeping of 12 or more IV bags as they empty their last drops into the ports of the cancer patients receiving blood, iron, hydration and of course the praised poison called chemo. Hell is wondering how much it might hurt to poke out both my eyes with a #2 pencil rather than watch my mother and all these poor people go through all this but not having the courage to try it. Hell is feeling bad for myself while I am here and then feeling bad that I feel bad for myself. Cancer is Hell. For everyone.